That is MUCH better...

I am VERY happy to report that I finally kicked my lazy butt in gear and went for a run last night.  Nothing like the threat of race failure to motivate you!  I knew that it would be difficult because I hadn't ran for so long, which is probably why I delayed so long in starting up again in the first place!!

I won't bore you with the details of my run, but in quick summary it was 3 miles and my pace was slower than what it was a month ago.  I nearly had an asthma attack (serves me right!) but managed to push through and have a good run.  It felt SO GOOD to be running again.  My legs and lungs felt alive and I felt strong.  I also didn't feel like a slacker anymore, which is always a good thing!

These last few weeks have been a bit eye-opening.  I gave myself a little too much rope and nearly hung myself with it.  I know for a fact that if I hadn't had a race scheduled in January I would've stopped running and working out and ended my journey before I got a chance to fully participate.  It would've been the same thing I always do--work out hard, get results, and once I get to an okay weight, stop, gain weight back, repeat cycle.  That's not okay.  It scares me to death, and I'm not sure the best way to overcome it.  The only thing I know for sure is that I need to sign up for a race every month for the rest of my life.  No joke.  I can't afford to not keep myself on track.

You might have noticed that I also skipped taking my measurements for the last two weeks.  That's a slippery slope as well.  I didn't take them because I knew they would be bigger than the weeks before.  Isn't that all the more reason I should take them and get back on track?  Apparently my brain couldn't handle the disappointment.  In any case, I measured myself today.  I posted a slight weight gain from last week.  I'm not disappointed--I'm lucky I didn't gain 5 lbs this month.  It's a fluke that I didn't.

My weight loss has been painfully slow.  I've been doing this for 19 weeks and am averaging less than a pound lost per week.  I'm happy that I've lost weight, but disappointed because I KNOW without a doubt I am capable of more.  I haven't been fully committed.  I believe in moderation, but I definitely stretched that principle to the limit and broke it a few million times.  I've been logging into MFP, but haven't been actually submitting any of the days logged.  I let the calories from the last half of the day just add up into oblivion and not take the final step of accountability.  No excuses for that.

I know what works.

I know what I need to do.

Time to go do it.