Confession #1: I haven't counted calories with consistency for over 3 months.
Confession #2: I binge-ate like it was going out of style this last weekend. I ate myself sick...seriously. The sugar I consumed made me feel AWFUL not to mention the guilt that came with it.
Confession #3: Being injured has resulted in some really bad behaviors returning. I no longer feel the drive to exercise.
Confession #4: I am scared to death that I'm about to become my own worst enemy. I've come so far to get in my own way now.
It is my birthday in two weeks, and I had always imagined that I would be at my goal weight by this date. I started working out back in August and had about 40 lbs to lose. I didn't think it would take me longer than 5 months to lose that weight. However, I didn't account for the plateau of death I've been experiencing for the last few months. I didn't account for the slip ups and injuries that would occur. Instead of celebrating my birthday and spending some birthday cash on a new wardrobe, I find myself reevaluating my priorities and realizing that the plateau can only be blamed on myself.
I got complacent.
I am SO close to being at a "happy" weight. I have about 15-20 pounds to lose to get there. I REALLY want to be at that weight by the time summer starts. More importantly, I want to feel healthy. I want to know I can run several miles at a time without tiring. I want to know that I could arm wrestle a girl friend and beat them. I want to know that I can defend myself if something awful were to happen to me.
In the past week, I've felt health issues creeping back that I had effectively eliminated through my active lifestyle. Twice last week I found myself short of breath doing simple tasks. Has my asthma already returned? I believe it is starting to.
So, I am recommitting (for the umpteenth time). Time to start running again (and if it hurts too bad, time to learn a new cardio workout), time to start lifting weights, and time to start tracking those calories. It's hard because it is worth it. And eventually it isn't so hard.
Did any of you catch Elle's post about 10 things? (I can't link it right now...PriorFatGirl website is down for some reason) Basically, she said that anytime she is tempted by sweets or by the comfy couch she makes a list of 10 things she wants more than the sweets or the couch. If she can't name 10 things she wants more than that particular temptation, then she can have it. Here's my 10 Things list for the moment:
- I want to look good in my bikini this summer
- I want to not have to worry about a muffin top
- I want to buy new jeans that fit in a small size
- I want to finally be at my goal size so that I can buy a larger wardrobe and stop having to wear the same pair of pants/slacks every day (I'm too cheap to buy more than one pair because I KNOW I will lose more weight!)
- I want to have a flat stomach
- I want to feel that I am a sexy woman
- I want to stop being self conscious about my butt/thighs
- I want to be a healthy size so my family will back off about my weight gain and stop gossiping about it behind my back
- I want to no longer be afraid to step on the scale in front of my husband
- I want to feel strong
I definitely want ALL of those things more than a cookie or a brownie. I need to start remembering why I started this journey and why it is important that I eat healthy. I challenge you to make a top 10 list for yourself to help get you through your temptations. It is certainly a great way to put yourself back on track.
I'm going to go for a run tonight. I don't know how many miles; it will depend on my injury. The important thing is to get started and get moving. Wish me luck!