Monday, March 12, 2012

An Avalanche of Warning Signs

Hmmmm....confession time, people.  I *may* have ran not just once, but twice in the past three days.  This comes after having not ran for at least a month.  Apparently all I needed was some much needed words of encouragement from you lovely people and some sunny weather.  That is a magical formula!  Thank you all SO MUCH for the comments you left.  You seriously don't know how much they meant to me and how badly I needed to hear them.

In addition to actually logging miles this past weekend, my eating was on track.  My calories for the weekend were at at deficit every day.  Where in the world did this come from?  After posting about how unmotivated I've been, suddenly I find myself highly motivated.  I'm not sure what the actual trigger was (it very well could've been those damn pants), but the good news is I'm feeling the love again and wanting to be the person I've been fighting to be for nearly two years now.

I need a little more "proof of running" photos in my life...prepare yourselves for them.

So let's catch up a bit on what happened this weekend that lead to the magic above.  I've already talked about the pants situation, but what I didn't mention was the Crossfit games situation that also happened on Friday.  After work, Hubster had his third week of the Crossfit games.  I went to his gym to cheer him on and found myself surrounded by so many healthy and fit women.  These were women with bodies straight off the pages of Runner's World and Shape magazine.  Rather than the celebrity models whose bodies seem unattainable, these women were actually real life and right in front of me.  And sadly, I don't think I've felt that fat or uncomfortable in public in a LONG time.  I found myself wanting to hide in the corner and not let anyone look at me.  What an awful feeling.

The scale also said 162.8 lbs on Friday (perhaps this was my trigger...?  We may have a winner.).  This means that of the 30 lbs total I've lost on this journey, I've gained back a whopping 15 lbs.  NOT ACCEPTABLE.  This may have been the straw that put this camel back on the weight loss train.

This weekend was an avalanche of warning signs--my pants don't fit, I'm embarrassed to be seen in public, and my weight is skyrocketing.  It is proof that I don't have this lifestyle under control like I thought I did.  It was a giant neon flashing sign saying "Get your life under control before it's too late!"

After I recovered from the shock of that weigh-in, I thought long and hard about the sacrifices and work I have put into getting down to 148 (my lowest weight on this journey so far).  Like I said, I've been doing this workout/eating right routine for almost 2 years with the goal of getting down to around 135.  Instead of losing the remaining 13 lbs, I gained an additional 15 lbs.  I was so frustrated and so upset and it did NOT help that my stupid pants were too tight!  I am not willing to go back down (or up...?) that road again.  I refuse to buy any more fat pants. 

I refuse!!

So, I had a salad for dinner on Friday night.  And I ran 5 miles the next morning.  And I logged my calories.  And logged them some more.  And then I woke my lazy butt up at 5 am for a 3-mile run (yeah--I decided to start morning workouts the day after Daylight Savings.  Perhaps that let's you know how frustrated I am with the weight gain!).  And guess what?  The scale rewarded me for my good behavior--159.8 this morning.

I'll take it.  Any downward trend is a mega blessing.  Oh, and I'm wearing those damn pants again today (hey, I washed them!) and they aren't *quite* as bad as they were on Friday.  That being said, three days of being on track does not solve the problem.  I'm going to take this ONE day at a time rather than focus so much on having to be "healthy" every day for the rest of my flipping life.  That = overwhelming.  One day at a time = manageable.

So that's where I'm at.

One meal at a time.  

One workout at a time.  

One day at a time.  

And slowly and surely I'll get this lifestyle change under control.


  1. Great post!
    I've been having a hard time too but like you said. I REFUSE to buy bigger pants too.

  2. Awesome attitude Becky! I am very proud of you for pushing through the barrier and not just settling. There will always be ups and downs but you can do it and it will be worth it.

    Have a great week. :)

  3. I LOVE this, Becky!!! You kick that nasty Reba to the curb, show her who's boss!!! So, so, so, SO happy you are back on track!!!!

  4. I am thrilled you found your motivation again. You have always been a blogger I admire. You've been so Successful in running and weight loss, I am confident you will get back to where you want to be.

    I had to buy a pair of size 18 old navy jeans a few weeks ago. I was so embarrassed.

  5. i think this is such a good post and great reminder becky! sometimes i get sooo lost in the mix of things and just want to give up. usually the only way back up is to focus one day at a time for me! good luck friend! you are so strong and inspiring to me! i know you can do this. and keep running so that we can meet up at a race soon :)

  6. Get it girl. I am right there with you right now. I about cried when I got on the scale this morning and saw that after two weeks of logging calories and working out there hasn't been any change in weight. Losing weight is hard work and takes serious dedication. Good luck to you on this journey.

  7. Oh Becky - I am so where you are right now. I am in the thick of marathon training and I just need to buckle down on my food intake. I put on some pants the other day and opted for a different pair that were a size bigger in my closet so I didn't have to deal with seeing the tire around my waist all day! I got back on track yesterday with food, running 4 days a week and getting to the gym on off days - I sure hope it helps! Need to get back on track and stay there! Keep fighting lady - you totally have this!

  8. Yeah! I can't tell you how many times I approached my goal weight and then because of this fact thought I could relax and well, I ended up gaining it all back and then some.

    So reading your post about noticing the red flag signs and reacting constructively = pure gold! I salute you for tackling this head on! Loving "proof of running" pics :)