I'm in a bad place, guys. A dark place. I've been trying to stay motivated and trying to care about eating healthy and losing weight but I just. don't. care. And while it is good to keep trying and keep going through the motions rather than just give up, it's still not a very good place to be.
So what's causing it?
I've been trying to answer that question for months now. After all, it is the key to moving forward. Today, I think I finally figured it out--I've lost faith. I've lost faith in the promise of results. I've lost faith that if I eat right and work out hard that I can actually achieve the fabled perfectly toned body. I've lost faith that all my efforts and sacrifices and struggles will be worth it. I've lost faith in the scale. I've lost faith in the mantra of "it's just calories in versus calories out." I've been following that freaking mantra for a year and my weight hasn't nudged. In fact, I'm gaining. And I hate it. And I hate that I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop it. I feel like I'm destined to always be the fat girl no matter how hard I work. I feel like no effort will ever get me to where I want to be.
And that sucks.
I've lost faith in the process and I have no idea how to get it back.