Regression and Depression

I haven't posted since I got back from my epic road trip.  I just haven't wanted to post.  I've found myself back in this depressed spot and words feel fake, promises seem empty, and I just didn't want to come back her and pretend everything was okay when it wasn't.  I'm struggling and rather than hiding behind a fake optimistic post, I opted to just go radio silent for a week or two.  I'll admit that my desire to come back here and write it out wasn't very strong and I nearly scrapped this blog entirely.  After some self-reflection, I realized that's probably all the more reason to come back here and just say how it is and move forward.  This blog (and the people I've met because of it) have really made an impact on my life and I'm not ready to throw that away.

So first off, I'm sorry that I haven't been commenting on any of your blogs.  I've been reading, but I just haven't had it in me to comment.  I'm so proud of all of you all, and I love reading your triumphs and challenges. I have to give a shout-out to three people who have really impressed me over the last little while.

First, Rachelle ran the Boston Marathon, aka Race of Hot Death, and not only survived it, she freakin' PR'd by nearly 10 minutes!  That's just incredible.  She finished with a time of 3:22:00.  I'm absolutely blown away by her performance.

Second, Ann just ran her second half-marathon and also set a new PR!  She beat her last half-marathon by around 14 minutes!  Reading her race recap made me feel like I was running the race myself, and I can totally relate to the mental struggles that pop up when running long distances.  She pushed through and finished well ahead of last year's time.  I'm proud of her!

Finally, Miss Julia just committed to running a FIFTY mile race this year.  I can't even fathom running that distance.  She is such an inspiration and she always encourages the people she comes in contact with.  I know that she is capable of running 50 miles and I cannot wait to see her accomplish this insane and awesome goal.

I've been lucky enough to spend some time with all of these girls in person, and they are all incredible.  Without this little blog of mine I never would've been blessed to know these wonderful and strong women.

So...I'm in a funk and it's been going on for a while.  I'm bitter.  I'm sad.  I'm unmotivated.  I'm sick of committing to things and then not following through.  I'm just trying to work through my issues and get back on track.  Hopefully this beautiful sunny weather will help spark the fire in me and I can find the joy in being healthy again.

Hubster is helping me with my diet.  He is doing the Zone and has started preparing meals for me.  I've got to admit that it has been very nice to not have to worry about what food I'm going to eat and just have it ready for me and know that it's good for me.  I've actually been really impressed so far.  I thought I would hate it (it seemed really complicated and strict), but since I don't have to do any of the work (thanks hubby!) I've been able to just enjoy good, clean food.  I've been so full each day and it was making me nervous.  Finally, I had Hubby add up the calories so my sanity could rest and it turns out that I'm eating under 1500 calories every day which is exactly where I need to be.  To say I"m happy about that is an understatement.

I've found that I really struggle trying to balance clean eating with strength training and running.  I try to do it all at once and then just burn out.  Having Hubster take care of the diet portion (which is the hardest part for me) is freeing me up to think about the active portion which is where I do better.  I think this could be a good thing.  I have some races that have sparked my interest, and I'm thinking of getting back into long distance running again.

Speaking of races, I ran the Color Me Rad 5k last weekend!  It was such a casual race.  There were so many people there that you could tell had never ran a 5k in their life, but it didn't matter because everyone was there to just have a good time.  If you do want to run a Color Me Rad race, just go into it knowing that you will be doing more walking than you expect to.  Our first mile was ran at a 20:00 min/mile pace because there was such a log jam of walkers!  I honestly think this is a perfect 5k for new runners because it is super low key and just allows you to enjoy the beauty of running/walking with similar minded people.  They don't even have winners and it isn't a timed event.

I was SO excited to be running one of these races!

Finish Line!

Hubster avoided color.  I did not...

Ash is another incredible and strong woman I've met through this blog.  It was great to see her!

I've never looked better!

Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for my recent absences.  Bear with me while I get my feet on stable ground again.  I'll get there, but it may take me a bit.  Thank you for all your kind words over the years!