Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Regression and Depression

I haven't posted since I got back from my epic road trip.  I just haven't wanted to post.  I've found myself back in this depressed spot and words feel fake, promises seem empty, and I just didn't want to come back her and pretend everything was okay when it wasn't.  I'm struggling and rather than hiding behind a fake optimistic post, I opted to just go radio silent for a week or two.  I'll admit that my desire to come back here and write it out wasn't very strong and I nearly scrapped this blog entirely.  After some self-reflection, I realized that's probably all the more reason to come back here and just say how it is and move forward.  This blog (and the people I've met because of it) have really made an impact on my life and I'm not ready to throw that away.

So first off, I'm sorry that I haven't been commenting on any of your blogs.  I've been reading, but I just haven't had it in me to comment.  I'm so proud of all of you all, and I love reading your triumphs and challenges. I have to give a shout-out to three people who have really impressed me over the last little while.

First, Rachelle ran the Boston Marathon, aka Race of Hot Death, and not only survived it, she freakin' PR'd by nearly 10 minutes!  That's just incredible.  She finished with a time of 3:22:00.  I'm absolutely blown away by her performance.

Second, Ann just ran her second half-marathon and also set a new PR!  She beat her last half-marathon by around 14 minutes!  Reading her race recap made me feel like I was running the race myself, and I can totally relate to the mental struggles that pop up when running long distances.  She pushed through and finished well ahead of last year's time.  I'm proud of her!

Finally, Miss Julia just committed to running a FIFTY mile race this year.  I can't even fathom running that distance.  She is such an inspiration and she always encourages the people she comes in contact with.  I know that she is capable of running 50 miles and I cannot wait to see her accomplish this insane and awesome goal.

I've been lucky enough to spend some time with all of these girls in person, and they are all incredible.  Without this little blog of mine I never would've been blessed to know these wonderful and strong women.

So...I'm in a funk and it's been going on for a while.  I'm bitter.  I'm sad.  I'm unmotivated.  I'm sick of committing to things and then not following through.  I'm just trying to work through my issues and get back on track.  Hopefully this beautiful sunny weather will help spark the fire in me and I can find the joy in being healthy again.

Hubster is helping me with my diet.  He is doing the Zone and has started preparing meals for me.  I've got to admit that it has been very nice to not have to worry about what food I'm going to eat and just have it ready for me and know that it's good for me.  I've actually been really impressed so far.  I thought I would hate it (it seemed really complicated and strict), but since I don't have to do any of the work (thanks hubby!) I've been able to just enjoy good, clean food.  I've been so full each day and it was making me nervous.  Finally, I had Hubby add up the calories so my sanity could rest and it turns out that I'm eating under 1500 calories every day which is exactly where I need to be.  To say I"m happy about that is an understatement.

I've found that I really struggle trying to balance clean eating with strength training and running.  I try to do it all at once and then just burn out.  Having Hubster take care of the diet portion (which is the hardest part for me) is freeing me up to think about the active portion which is where I do better.  I think this could be a good thing.  I have some races that have sparked my interest, and I'm thinking of getting back into long distance running again.

Speaking of races, I ran the Color Me Rad 5k last weekend!  It was such a casual race.  There were so many people there that you could tell had never ran a 5k in their life, but it didn't matter because everyone was there to just have a good time.  If you do want to run a Color Me Rad race, just go into it knowing that you will be doing more walking than you expect to.  Our first mile was ran at a 20:00 min/mile pace because there was such a log jam of walkers!  I honestly think this is a perfect 5k for new runners because it is super low key and just allows you to enjoy the beauty of running/walking with similar minded people.  They don't even have winners and it isn't a timed event.

Color Run 009
I was SO excited to be running one of these races!
Color Run 011
Finish Line!
Color Run 012
Hubster avoided color.  I did not...
Color Run 017
Ash is another incredible and strong woman I've met through this blog.  It was great to see her!
Color Run 031
I've never looked better!
Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for my recent absences.  Bear with me while I get my feet on stable ground again.  I'll get there, but it may take me a bit.  Thank you for all your kind words over the years!


  1. Becky - I LOVE THIS BLOG. First off, thanks for the shout-out. Secondly, I am SO SORRY you are struggling but I promise things will get better. Nobody can force you to want to be healthy and exercise (trust me, I know), and it has to come from WITHIN. I cannot wait for you to get your spark back because truthfully? YOU inspire ME. I just adore you and am so thankful to know you. Lastly - THE COLOR RUN LOOKS AMAZING. I love love LOVE the pictures.

  2. Aw, friend, I hope you feel better soon! I went through just what you went through...the winter blahs really got me this year and I was feeling unmotivated and depressed. But working out consistently, even though I didn't want to, helped me stay afloat. Feel better!

  3. Friend--never apologize for going through a tough time, taking a break from blogging or doing what is best for YOU! i struggle with that same thing all the time but sometimes the best thing ultimately is just to take a step back and take off the pressure. In January that meant staying away from daily mile while i was injured. lately that has meant spending more time on my own but also spending lots of time with my pups to get that sense of family i have been missing way too much lately. anyway...if there is anything i or anyone else can do to cheer you up at all or help you out...let me know! if we need to meet up in SLC and just have an epic girls day...I am there :)

    thanks so much for the unbelievably kind words you said about me. blogging has brought me to some of my closest friends...the people i feel like i can relate to the most. thanks for being one of those people!

    the pics from the color run are fantastic! im so sad i missed out and especially sad i missed out on seeing you!

    keep your head up and just focus on each moment without getting too far ahead of yourself. you are gorgeous inside and out and will be back on the path set out for you in no time. but do know that im here any time you need anything! love ya friend :) thinking of you lots!

  4. Becky I am so glad you updated. I know it is hard when you are stuck in a funk to put yourself out there and be open and vulnerable. But so many of us can relate and your ability to be honest is something I truly admire. You are a very strong, courageous and smart women. The truth is life is not perfect it is hard! Running is hard, eating healthy is hard! But the hardest things in life are always worth the effort you put into them. I know you will pull through this stronger than ever. I absolutely love that your husband is helping you out. How awesome is that? I am so jealous and it truly sounds like you have a phenominal support system. Count those blessings my friend. :)

    Thank you so much for the kind words about me it truly made my day. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you or if you just need someone to talk or vent to. I am here for you and am so glad to have met you. So sad I didn't see you at Color me RAD. It really was so much fun!

  5. Awesome! We're doing the Color Run in Seattle next weekend and it will be my first 5k. :)