Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Pity Party for One, Please...

Last night was a rough night, the kind of night where you find yourself silently crying yourself to sleep.

It wasn't set off by anything in particular.  As I settled into bed, I just found myself thinking of the things that I am failing miserably at lately and it became too much for me to handle and I just started bawling.  There's a song in my church that talks about counting your blessings and naming them one by one, but last night I found myself counting my flaws instead.  It was a long list.  And I was mad because I feel like I've been putting so much effort into improving myself but I have hardly anything to show for it.  I'm not talking about weight loss (although that was one of the items on my list).  I'm talking about all sorts of other aspects of my life that affect me and my husband.

I just wish I were a better person.  

I'm going to take last night and reevaluate my priorities and get back on track.  Pity parties are lame and I don't want anymore of them in my honor.  I deserve to be more than I currently am, and my husband deserves more from me.  I'm not sure why I chose to share this today, but I guess I just wanted to let you know that I'm human and that I struggle.  Does anyone else ever get bogged down by the weight of their responsibilities?  I can't even imagine how much harder this would be for me if I had kids!  The thought is nearly overwhelming!

Any advice on how to juggle a 50 hour a week job, training for a marathon, and home responsibilities? This girl could use some help!


  1. Hey there, so interesting that you felt this way last night. Last night I attend a prayer group meeting and guess what our discussion was about, trying to find the positive things in our life and not focusing on the negative. It is hard when you feel like you are losing control and being spread thin. All of us have our struggles and sometimes we get caught up in thinking about the things we haven't done versus the things that we have done and the things that are positive in our lives. Yesterday, someone said that sometimes we just have to let go and be happy with the things we can do, and if we can't do something because we are to busy then it's okay and don't beat yourself up. Just try to focus on the things that are right in front of you, and try not to worry about the future. I know it's hard to do, I have to remind myself all the time, to take things just one day at a time. Don't give into the negative thoughts, and believe that you can achieve your goals :)

  2. It sounds like you are burned out! Or overtraining? What about taking this long weekend off from all responsibilities/training and just have fun with the hubby?

  3. Becky, I'm sorry you had such a hard night! Sometimes a good cry is in order to put things... in order. :)

    I just want to say, be kind to yourself. Satan sure loves to encourage us to dwell on all the things we do wrong, or don't do well. But Christ would have us love ourselves, and be kind. He would have us learn from our mistakes and do better the next time. I do think he would expect us to be honest with ourselves, and not to just push things under the rug (I'm really good at that!), but to face them honestly, and to do better. But never ever would he want us to belittle, berate, or make ourselves feel less then a child of God because we didn't succeed. Becky, you are an amazing woman!

    I would challenge you to find some time to sit down today and write about five of your best qualities. Just to remember how stinking great you are! I would also challenge you to kindly think of some of those things that brought you down last night. Maybe choose just one or two of them that you can face honestly, and figure out how you can turn it into a strength!

    You're great, don't ever forget it!

  4. Becky I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I have felt somewhat the same lately. I am so busy juggling school, work, and marathon training and feel like I'm not putting my whole heart into any of them because I'm so overwhelmed by the combination.

    Anyway I think you are amazing and can get through this. I completely admire you and firmly believe that hard things in life always make us stronger.

  5. It's hard! I work 40, marathon training, and home life. But my hubs is really unsupportive of my running and pretty much thinks it ruins our time together (because I have to be in bed so early, etc.). I'll be honest, I can't wait for it to be over. He makes me feel guilty about it.
    BUT, just know that marathon training is only for a short time and you'll have that time back in your life to re-priortize things. That's what I'm looking forward to. Chin up, girl! :-)

  6. Becky -

    Look at all you have done! I would be going crazy with *just* a 50 hour workweek, let alone training runs and taking care of my home. You have so many wonderful things going for you.

    I think the best thing for you is to talk to the people most important to you in your life, for sure your hubby, and tell him about the stress you are feeling, ask for help, but also offer a bit of yourself as part of the solution, I think that will alleviate at least 90% of the anxiety you are feeling about it.

    You're awesome! You can do it!

  7. oh becky. sweet friend. i can definitely relate to this. i feel like lately i have been putting things off because i am too overwhelmed and then when i go back to them i either put in only half the effort or avoid them all over again because its just too much.

    I hope you know that I can completely relate and can understand where you are coming from. Last week I had multiple good cries and I don't think "pity parties" are necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes we just need a good cry so that in the long run, we can come back stronger and refreshed with another open mind. Thinking of you friend. And I just want you to know that I think you are extremely genuine, determined, positive and gorgeous. Hang in there. I am here if you ever want to talk :)

  8. Becky - you are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing, great woman and you are a fantastic wife!!!! You have SO many people who love you unconditionally, through the good and bad - myself included!!! You're awesome and I adore you for the person you ARE!!! Please dont be a sad panda anymore!!!

  9. Becky - I found your blog through our mutual friend Ann. I have to say, I could have written this post last week! You have a lot going on right now. I can relate - work, kids, husband, house, etc, etc! I think sometimes there comes a time in your journey that it is just TOO MUCH! But, I think if you can remember that this feeling is temporary and cut yourself a little slack, you will come out the other side stronger. And I agree with others - it's good to cry and get it out sometimes - its like flushing it out and starting again! Keep your head up - from everything I have seen on your blog and through Ann - you are one tough woman and you totally got this! Take care!

  10. Oh, I am so coming to crash your pity party!!! I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I just want to throw my hands in the air and walk out the door!! And maybe sometimes that's not such a bad idea. It just like you said...when life seems like it's crashing down, it's time to re-evaluate your priorities and get back on track. Hang in there friend!! The sun will come out tomorrow!!!!

  11. So difficult to "do-it-all" - I know. I tried last year and my marathon training failed miserably and after I ran it my body said: knock it off, and laid me down and out for a month by being sick. This year when I added school on top of full time work, full time husband and church responsibilities, I realized that a marathon just wasn't in the cards for me.

    My best advice - put the Lord first and ask for blessings. Also, don't be too hard on yourself. We're all here to learn, grow and improve.